Doctor's Log
by Lady Jaye1
Summary: Lifeline's patience and pacifism is tested when Beach Head and Gung Ho end up in the infirmary for several weeks. Other Joes make appearances too.
1. Entry 1

Author's Note: This is Lifeline's daily medical log that he keeps. Every time I update this, it will be the current date (hopefully), as if this is going on now.

****

Doctor's Log

August 22, 2004

This is going to be an interesting next few weeks. That's an understatement. While on a mission down in southern Mexico to capture some drug cartels who'd been supplying Cobra with money, it was discovered that there was an actual Cobra base there.

Beach Head and Gung Ho somehow managed to probably break roughly half the bones in each of their bodies. Some of which include broken legs, ribs, wrist bones (Gung Ho), broken arm (Gung Ho again) and broken bones in the foot (Beach Head). These were accompanied of course by the usual bullet holes, bruises, and a dislocated shoulder (Gung Ho yet again). Both of them were admitted yesterday.

Beach Head and Gung Ho in my infirmary for several weeks. God help me. I mean, just today, one day after arriving, Beach Head made an ill-conceived escape attempt. He didn't make it too far, I mean, the man is busted up really bad. The only reason he wasn't noticed right away was because Gung Ho was creating a diversion. I really don't like Cajun songs, you know that? Especially when they're being bellowed at the top of someone's lungs.

Anyway, the rest of the group only suffered minor injuries compared to the Ranger and the Marine.

I'll bet the Greenshirts will be happy the next few weeks. Maybe longer, that cast will be on a while. But knowing Beach Head he'll be out there, crutch, broken bones and all. I wonder who's going to cover for him.

Why do they have to be stuck in the infirmary? With me? For weeks? Why couldn't it be, never mind. I'm a doctor, I shouldn't be having a problem with this. They're my patients.

Oh God.


	2. Entry 2

Author's Note: Disclaimer, I don't own GI Joe and this is an unauthorized viewing of Lifeline's medical log.

Doctor's Log

August 23, 2004

Today I had to treat Shipwreck for malaria. This unfortunately put him in the infirmary for most of the day. In typical Shipwreck style he moaned over his 'injury', earning taunts from Beach Head. This resulted in a fiery argument that ended with Beach Head throwing a pillow across the room at him.

Flint and Stalker dropped by today to see them. Flint debriefed them and apparently Stalker is temporarily training the Greenshirts. He spent about an hour reassuring Beach Head that he would properly train them. I don't know if it's true, but I heard a rumor that the Greenshirts threw a party for their escape from their training instructor. I don't think Beach knows, but I'm not going to be the one to tell him.

They've complained the whole day, especially over the hospital gowns. They eventually settled down to play poker, there's a small table between their beds. But I don't see how Gung Ho can play with one hand.

You would think that this would be the end of it, but no. I couldn't be so lucky. Cover Girl came in today for her physical. She was singing some Avril Lavigne song until Beach Head 'told' her that she sang off key. To her credit, she waited until my back was turned before she hit him. I heard a loud yelp and turned around to see playing cards flying across the room and an angry Beach Head yelling at her. Courtney stalked out of the room while Gung Ho was laughing so hard that his face was red. I think he's still making fun of him.

Along with all of this, the two of them spent most of the day trying to convince me (and threaten me) into letting them leave. Even I know they're not that stupid. They broke half the bones in their body! Like they're going to be able to go anywhere let alone leave.

Lord please give me strength.


	3. Entry 3

****

Doctor's Log

August 24, 2004

Not much today for patients, except for Beach Head and Gung Ho of course. A few Greenshirts came in for training injuries. Even though Beach Head is lying on a bed in a hospital gown, full of broken bones, somehow he still managed to intimidate them. He made two of them drop down and give him fifty next to his bed.

I also had to listen to them argue over music for a while before they finally settled on Toby Keith, Johnny Cash, Gretchen Wilson, and George Strait. I swear, if I hear the song "Redneck Woman" ever again I'll scream.

Shipwreck was back again today for checkups. He was threatening to burn the CD. Not wanting conflict between my patients, I confiscated the Gretchen Wilson CD, much to their dismay (and my relief).

After that, they settled down a little bit. They played some kind of battle strategy game. They'd give each other a scenario and the other would have to come up with a solution or strategy. I hate war, okay?. But at least this kept them out of my hair for a while.

Apparently they got bored with this after, I don't know, an hour, hour and a half. So they began to play hangman. You know, the game where you have to guess a letter for the word, and if you miss, another part of the man is hung from the noose. Another violent game, but I kept my mouth shut. However, upon closer examination I realized that the 'hangman' was supposed to be Shipwreck. When the parrot was drawn on the hangman's shoulder, then the game was over. I was forced to confiscate this as well.

They weren't too happy about it. The two of them became so bored that they actually began to sing. I never knew Beach Head actually had a good singing voice. I probably shouldn't mention it to Cover Girl, she really does sing off key. However, their musical 'entertainment' lasted only about fifteen minutes. That was when General Hawk strolled in to roar at them to shut the bloody hell up.

I have to tell you, and I don't care who you are, when General Hawk yells at you, you tremble in fear.

They shut up for a long time.

I have a feeling that tomorrow's going to be a long day.


	4. Entry 4

Doctor's Log

August 25, 2004

God forgive me, but I lied to two patients today. I couldn't help it though. There's only so long that a sane person can listen to "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall." I pretended that General Hawk was coming. Remembering an enraged Tomahawk at their singing the day before, Beach Head and Gung Ho wisely shut up.

They probably didn't think I was capable of a lie, they still think I was telling the truth. I'm not proud about it, just thankful. I think they're planning something though. Every time one of the nurses or I walk by, they start whispering or shut up completely. I've also seen Beach Head hide a piece of paper before he thinks I've seen it. I think they're planning to escape.

How, well, I haven't got a clue. Beach Head has a broken foot, a broken leg, and broken ribs, along with other minor wounds. Gung Ho also has a broken leg, a broken arm, a broken wrist, and he too has broken ribs. How the hell they think they're going to go anywhere is beyond me. I have to confess, the idea of unleashing Cover Girl on Beach Head briefly crossed my mind until I remembered that I was a pacifist and a doctor.

In exasperation of how to keep them occupied, I had Duke roll in a TV. He brought along a stack of all five _Star Wars_ movies. Beach Head and Gung Ho strongly objected. Neither one had ever really watched the movies. Apparently Beach Head thought Luke Skywalker was a wuss in the first movie and had never bothered to watch any of the others. However, Duke 'told' them they could either watch _Star Wars_, or he'd have the female Joes pick out movies for them. They decided to watch _Star Wars_.

They only got through the original trilogy today. I noticed that by the time they got to _Return of the Jedi_, they actually seemed to be interested in it. That's kind of a scary thought. Beach Head also seemed to be taking notes on something, I'm not sure what. But he and Gung Ho were cracking up over whatever he was writing down, so I better be prepared for the worst.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

_Author's Note: The idea that Beach Head thinking Luke Skywalker was a wuss in the first movie came from Slayne's Cyberlife. I think that's what the fic was called, it's not like I can backcheck it since they pulled all chat formats._


	5. Entry 5

****

Doctor's Log

August 26, 2004

Beach Head has a new phrase now, "Do or do not, there is no try." I have the feeling that the Greenshirts will be hearing a lot of that. Great, the last thing we need is Beach Head quoting Yoda.

Han Solo also seems to have competition now. I overheard Gung Ho declare that Princess Leia was the perfect woman for him. I don't know if I should laugh or shake my head. What has Duke started?

They watched the two new _Star Wars_ movies today and were strangely enthralled. At least it kept them out of trouble, or so I thought.

Gung Ho later asked me for some markers to write on his cast. Figuring he was bored and no harm would come from it, I gave him three permanent markers, black, green, and red. I would come to regret it. The nurse called me back to the infirmary about 5:21 pm because they were causing a disturbance. When I walked in, Beach Head and Gung Ho were having a "lightsaber battle." Each were armed with pencil that they had converted to "lightsabers." They really must have been bored. Beach Head had taped two pencils together to form a double bladed lightsaber; he colored the two points red and the middle part black. Gung Ho had colored his lightsaber green and had colored the "handle" black.

Even more proof of their boredom was the fact that Beach Head had "Darth Wayne" written in red marker on his cast and Gung Ho had "Jedi Master LaFitte" written in green marker on his. To say the least, I was a little scared. After the ensuing battle, my Aikido training wasn't for nothing you know, I managed to confiscate the lightsabers. They're lucky they didn't give each other lead poisoning. I banned them from watching _Star W_ars movies anymore.

However, the markers seemed to have magically disappeared through means of "the Force," so I was unable to obtain them, much to my infinite regret.

It's only been six days so far and I already feel like pulling my hair out. Maybe Duke will send me out on a mission soon.


	6. Entry 6

****

Doctor's Log

August 27, 2004

Ace and Mainframe were in today for food poisoning. I guess Bazooka's cooking is very deadly. Beach Head and Gung Ho couldn't figure out how anyone could be stupid enough to eat Bazooka's cooking. I feel I have to agree with them on this point. There is a reason we have Roadblock.

Duke found out about their Jedi battle. As punishment, he let the female Joes pick out movies for them. A grinning Scarlett walked in later with three movies. Gung Ho and Beach Head barely made it through _16 Candles_. By the time they were forced to endure _The Princess Diaries_ they began to revolt.

At first, Beach Head tried to make himself pass out by holding his breath in an attempt to get out of watching it. When that didn't work, he and Gung Ho began throwing ice cubes from their drinks at the TV. They had the faint hope that they would hit the power button and turn it off. One of Gung Ho's ice cubes did hit a button, but it was the volume up button.

I was out of the room most of the time this was happening. When I walked in later with Flint, Gung Ho had somehow managed to get out of bed and over to the TV. He was attempting to throw the DVD out the window when we caught him. I felt it best at this point to hide _Pokemon: The Movie_. I don't know what would have happened if they'd had to watch that too, but I felt safer not putting it in the DVD player.

Beach Head had also written a letter begging for help in escaping their "prison." He had folded it into a paper airplane and thrown it out the window when Gung Ho was attempting to dispose of _The Princess Diaries_. Flint threatened them with solitary confinement from each other if they didn't shape up. Since the idea of being separated didn't appeal to them, they settled down the rest of the day.

I have a sudden urge to bang my head repeatedly against my desk.


	7. Entry 7

Doctor's Log

August 28, 2004

I found out what Beach Head had been taking notes on from the _Star Wars_ movies. Some of it anyway. Covergirl dropped in today to check on my sanity. Beach Head usually calls her Cinderella and Barbie Doll. But now that he's seen _Star Wars_, he's begun using Han Solo's nicknames for Princess Leia. Her unfortunate new nicknames are Your Worshipfulness, Your Royal Highnessness, and Your Holiness, all said with a certain amount of sarcasm.

She wasn't happy. I think Courtney was threatening to hunt Duke down.

I also found escape plans today written on several paper napkins. Incidentally, they were also written in black, green, and red marker. I still can't figure out where they're hiding them. I'm thinking about having Mainframe post security cameras.

By the way, Covergirl did get Beach Head back later on. She walked in about an hour later and sprayed him with really strong perfume. Courtney told Beach Head it was a new smell for him. After Gung Ho asked her if she was marking her territory, she threw the bottle at him. (It was a plastic bottle.)

It exploded after it hit him in the head and left a large, red welt on his forehead. Gung Ho got drenched with a nearly full bottle of perfume.

As if this wasn't enough, Spirit, Snake Eyes, and General Hawk also walked in at the exact moment this was going on. They stood in a sort of stunned silence and then began to slowly back out the door. (Beach Head and Gung Ho were screaming bloody murder by this time.) I could hear them howling with laughter down the hallway.

Both of them are gagging from the smell. That whole side of the room now smells strongly of women's perfume. Right now, Beach Head's got a pillow pressed over his nose in a vain attempt to block out the smell.

I suppose I should go check and make sure he hasn't suffocated himself. Maybe I should be nice and open the window.

_Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews so far, I'm glad you like it. (And by the way, since Low Light was requested, he will appear in a future chapter.) _:)


	8. Entry 8

****

Doctor's Log

August 29, 2004

Low Light came in today for a few cracked ribs, a broken nose (He'll have a lovely crooked nose after it heals.) and a black eye. That means he'll be here a few days. Great. At least he won't be in here as long as Beach Head and Gung Ho. Leatherneck also dropped by to visit them.

Beach Head and Gung Ho still smell slightly of perfume, they couldn't get it off. Leatherneck and Low Light spent about an hour making fun of them. In the midst of this, Gung Ho, Leatherneck, and Low Light somehow decided that Beach Head and Covergirl were perfect for each other. The three would be matchmakers spent most of the time trying to hatch a plan to get the two together, to Beach Head's loudly voiced dismay. They've named their plan Operation CGBH. I have visions of this backfiring a hundred times over.

I'm not sure if I understand this match up. All the two of them do is argue and fight, it's like a little war between them. However, the three of them are convinced that that they should be together. Oh boy. I hate to see what they're going to try to do. Beach Head's threatening to gut them. (I think he's secretly afraid of another perfume episode happening to him.) I wonder if I should mention this to Covergirl. She's going to kill them anyway, so it might as well be where I can intervene.

Along with this, Gung Ho had the "great" idea that all of them should go to Mardi Gras with him. Then he asked me if I wanted to come, the crazy Marine said I needed to learn how to loosen up. I stared at him in disbelief. Can you really see me running around New Orleans with the four of them during Mardi Gras? With Gung Ho, Beach Head, Leatherneck, Low Light, and God knows who else. I'd rather shoot myself in the foot first. Literally.

Low Light and Gung Ho continued to scheme about their "matchmaking" after Leatherneck returned to duty. Beach Head threw a book at Low Light and beat Gung Ho over the head with his pillow until I finally intervened.

I guess today wasn't as stressful as the others, but I can tell this is just the eye of a very large storm. General Hawk should give me a metal for putting up with all of this.


	9. Entry 9

****

Doctor's Log

August 30, 2004

Well, two major things happened today. Operation CGBH went into action and the base got a visit from Storm Shadow.

Leatherneck spent a lot of the day calling Low Light on his cell phone to update him, and then Low Light would text message him back. Then he would pass a note to Gung Ho about the conversation. They did this so Beach Head didn't know what was going on. Beach Head, for his part, refused to speak to any of them today.

I'm not sure what they're up to, but I do know Leatherneck sent Covergirl emails from a "Secret Admirer." God knows what he wrote in the emails. They were going to put it from Beach Head until I pointed out that he didn't have access to the internet, so he couldn't possibly send the emails. They decided that she'd be suspicious of this and changed it to being from a secret admirer. I probably should have kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it.

Of course, whatever else they would have done today was cut short by Storm Shadow's "visit." During his escape from the base, the ninja somehow ended up in the infirmary. Beach Head, Gung Ho, and Low Light stared at him for a moment until the crazy Ranger pointed a finger at the other two and yelled for Storm Shadow to kill them.

A surprise Storm Shadow just gave them a "What the bloody hell?" look before he slipped away.

I had several people with injuries come in after that. Spirit came in with a sword wound. Rather than have the calming effect I was hoping for, the guys somehow talked him into joining their mad escapade. God knows how, I have a headache thinking about it. Maybe Spirit will keep things from getting out of hand.

But since he's a Shaman, Gung Ho was asking if he knew any "Shamanic stuff", as he put it, to help them out. Spirit said he'd see. Beach Head's ready to beat his head against a wall. I know Spirit's one of the Joes he highly respects (Who doesn't?), but I think the Native American just made it onto Beach Head's 'To Kill' list.

I'm still trying to figure out how Spirit got himself talked into this. Maybe some of those medicinal herbs that Shamans use have killed some of his brain cells. He didn't have a blow to the head, I checked again just to make sure.

Operation CGBH is currently enlisting the aid of Gung Ho, Low Light, Leatherneck, and now Spirit. Oh God. I almost feel sorry for Beach Head. Almost.


	10. Entry 10

****

Doctor's Log

August 31, 2004

I still can't believe Spirit's helping them. I think Low Light and Gung How are even considering bringing Mainframe into this. Beach Head's ready to kill them all. Leatherneck came into to consult with the other two. I guess Cover Girl sent him a message back. He had printed it out and the three of them were reading it intently while trying to figure out how to reply. They even showed it to me for advice. It said something like this.

Dear Who ever the hell you are,

Who is this? Is this Clutch or Shipwreck? I thought I told you never to email me. My email's supposed to be blocking you. And by the way, if you  
sweet talk me, don't use Shakespeare. I'm not much into the whole Romeo and Juliet thing.

Cover Girl

Leatherneck put Shakespeare quotes in the email? He had to have done some research for that. The only problem with that though is that Beach Head wouldn't write like that even if Hell froze over. An irate Beach Head tried vainly to get the piece of paper to see what damage they'd done to him. The three Joes put their heads together to write a reply, then Leatherneck ran off to find Spirit to get his input. Why is Spirit helping them?

Speaking of Cover Girl, she did drop by today. Before Beach Head could say anything, Low Light ran over and smothered his mouth with a pillow. Courtney gave them a strange look as she was trying to talk to me. The reason she had come by was because she and Lady Jaye had picked out a "Joe friendly" movie, or as she called it, a "kid friendly" movie. I'll give you a guess, the main character is a big, green, smelly Ogre.

During our conversation, she told me that when she left her place this morning, her front door had horse pictographs taped on it. (Being suspicious, I went on the Internet later and found that the horse is a symbol of love and devotion in most Native American folklore.) She'd also found a small, strange leather bag in her Mauler that was filled with smooth stones and herbs. I guess Courtney had showed it to Spirit later, but he conveniently had to be somewhere else, so he couldn' t answer any question.

After she'd left, Beach Head, Gung Ho, and Low Light called a brief truce while they watched _Shrek_. This distraction has worked beautifully. They're watching it for the third time already. I think it's in the gladiatorial fight scene because I'm hearing cheers of "Kick his ass!" I also noticed Low Light and Gung Ho paying special attention to the romance in the movie. Oh well…maybe this will occupy them the rest of the day.


	11. Entry 11

****

Doctor's Log

September 1, 2004

I almost lost my cool this morning. When I walked in, I found the words "God will give me Justice" written in red marker across one of the walls. Apparently it's a phrase from a prison cell in the movie _The Count of Monte Cristo. _I have a strong suspicion that Beach Head wrote it. I wonder how he got himself across the room and back without falling on his face.

I also noticed that someone, I think Gung Ho, is marking off the days in green marker on the wall between them. Where the hell are they hiding the markers? Maybe I should unleash the Tomahawk on them.

By the way, Operation CGBH came crashing down today. Apparently Cover Girl thought Spirit was the one sending her the Secret Admirer emails and had confronted him. Spirit told her no, but accidentally revealed that he knew who was. I guess when Courtney realized that he wasn't going to tell her who was behind it, so she went and got the cavalry

Spirit was able to hold out against her, but after being "assaulted" by Cover Girl, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Jinx, and even Firewall, he gave in. Surprisingly, she didn't really do anything to Spirit, except to stare at him as if he was insane. (I'm in agreement here, why else would he help them?)

She came in and tried to beat the living hell out of Low Light and Gung Ho. The first thing Beach Head did when she stormed into the infirmary was to yell that he had nothing to do with it. Courtney glared at him and looked at me. I nodded my head to show that he was telling the truth. Can you believe that she actually yelled at me? Cover Girl said I should have told her yesterday when she was in. (Okay, maybe I should have told her. But who can resist watching those idiots make fools of themselves?) I did stop her from further harming my patients.

After that, she stormed out to hunt down Leatherneck. He would come in later claiming that he had post-traumatic stress syndrome. I guess she played chicken with him and her Mauler.

Oh, by the way, I kicked Low Light out today. Actually I just released him, but he still won't return to active duty for a few days. I have a feeling that Operation CGBH will be resurrected again after things calm down. (With different tactics of course.)

Speaking of post-traumatic stress syndrome, is it possible to have it without actually have been in an actual war? Most days I feel as if I'm in a war zone in here.


	12. Entry 12

****

Doctor's Log

September 2, 2004

How in the five blazes of hell did they get alcohol!!?? They tried to hide it when I came it, but it was so obvious. As if I wouldn't smell it on their breath anyway. They had a whole stash underneath Gung Ho's bed! There was a box of Budweiser, two bottles of tequila, and a bottle of whiskey. I have a strong suspicion that it was either Low Light or Leatherneck.

Needless to say, I lost it this morning and I shouldn't have. But between the writing on the wall and the alcohol, I was angry. I said a few obscenities that I always make sure NOT to say. Beach Head and Gung Ho stared at me with kind of a deer in the headlights look. I guess they weren't expecting me to react quite like that.

I had Mainframe come in and install security cameras in the infirmary after that. I even threatened them by saying I'd post a guard if they couldn't stay out of trouble. They were unusually quiet after this.

General Hawk had heard about the marker on the wall and had come in with Duke just as I was yelling at them about the alcohol. I thought their jaws were going to hit the floor. Anyway, with the appearance of the Tomahawk (and Duke), I managed to finally confiscate the markers. They were pretty creative. Beach Head had the black and red markers taped to the underside of his bed and Gung Ho had the green marker taped under his.

Because of the marker on my walls, the General told them that they'd have to repaint my walls when they were physically able. I'm debating between white again or a maybe a soft blue or green color. Blue and green are supposed to be calming colors. Maybe I'll make them clean the windows and mop the floor while they're at it.

Beach Head and Gung Ho kept a wary eye on me the rest of the day. Beach Head decided it was safer to read than anything else and Gung Ho pretended to sleep.

Leatherneck and Low Light better hope whenever I see them that I'm in a better mood than I'm in right now.


	13. Entry 13

They actually behaved today, except for the lighter incident. But that was provoked. I think they're still scared of me. I'm not sure why.

Anyways, the women decided they were going to "help" me because of the incident yesterday. Their "help" was more of an act of revenge, for me they said. While I let Beach Head and Gung Ho loose in the hallway while in wheelchairs, Jinx and Lady Jaye hung Johnny Depp pictures all over the wall by their beds. I still can't figure out how Gung Ho got hold of a lighter, but he and Beach Head set off the smoke detectors when they were burning the pictures. Beach Head almost caught one of his casts on fire.

Speaking of wheelchairs, Beach Head got a regular one and Gung Ho had a motorized when because of his broken arm. They were holding races down the hallway. Roadblock finally taped a sign to the back of Gung Ho's wheelchair that said "How's my driving?" then it listed my office phone number.

Gung Ho's also trying to Cajunize Beach Head. He's trying to teach him how to speak French. The Marine also lectured on the finer points of Cajun cuisine, because as he claimed in these words, "All you other Southerners have is fried chicken and corn." Beach Head defended himself, but I guess apple pie and brownies don't quite measure up to Cajun dessert. (Although I know I've seen Gung Ho wolf down them before, especially if Roadblock's made them.)

As a result, Beach Head has spent the day attempting to speak with a Cajun accent instead of a Southern one. He gave up after a while.

Oh, by the way, Leatherneck is currently seeing Pysche Out as a result of the Mauler incident with Cover Girl. I also hear that there's a betting pool going on in the PIT about how long it's going to take before I drop my pacifism and kill the two of them myself. I think Flint started it.

I'm sure tomorrow they'll be back to their normal "jobs" of trying to drive me insane.

_Author's Note: I'll try to update like usual, but I may have to go out of town for a family emergency. I'll try to update when I can. Also, the Johnny Depp thing is inspired by an actual event. During my senior year of high school, I hung Johnny Depp pictures all over a friend's locker. (Another friend had cleared everything else out of his locker.) Needless to say, he wasn't happy. I'm sure he would have burned them at that moment if he could have._


	14. Entry 14

****

Doctor's Log

September 4, 2004

Bazooka came in today for his physical. He's still having trouble with his weight, so I stuck him on a diet. Well, it's not exactly a diet. I just restricted some of the foods he could eat and made sure he was eating healthier foods. Beach Head and Gung Ho were laughing at him until I told them they were going on the "diet" too. They stopped laughing. Gung Ho asked me if that meant no gumbo. I told him yes, but only for a little while. Healthier foods will help them recover faster.

I told Bazooka he had to come and check with me each day. This is so I can make sure he's doing what he's supposed to do. You know Bazooka, he needs supervision a lot of the time.

I let them go in the hallway again with their wheelchairs. They held another race, then Gung Ho tried to escape into an elevator. Beach Head provided a distraction by singing Toby Keith's "Whiskey Girl" song at the top of his lungs. It wouldn't have been such a good distraction except that he has a good singing voice. (Okay, it's a really good singing voice.) Wild Bill happened to be nearby and told Beach Head he was going to be recruited for the next Karaoke Night. Beach Head decided to try to escape too after that.

Gung Ho was caught when the elevator reached the bottom floor. Jinx, Kamakura and Snake Eyes happened to be waiting for the elevator when it opened. They escorted him back to the infirmary. Beach Head tried to escape by rolling his wheelchair down the stairs, but Wild Bill stopped him.

I've taken to posting guards now whenever they go into the hallway. They also weren't too happy about their dinner of soup and salad. I told them to deal with it. If they had behaved, maybe I'd have given them something from Roadblock. I decided to be a smartass and tell them if they were going to behave like children, I would treat them like children. Then I gave them each a glass of milk to illustrate the fact. They weren't happy.

I wonder if I should lock the doors at night.


	15. Entry 15

****

Doctor's Log

September 5, 2004

When Beach Head and Gung Ho were in the hallway today, with the posted guards of course, Scarlett and Cover Girl decided to exact revenge for me. They replaced their bed sheets with more, uh, feminine articles. Beach Head returned to find that his bed now had pink bedsheets and a heart shaped pillow and Gung Ho found that he had _Little Mermaid_ bedsheets and a Strawberry Shortcake Doll pillow. They'd also strung pink crepe paper around the two beds.

You should have seen the expressions on their faces. It was priceless. Jinx was hiding nearby with a digital camcorder and got it all on tape. I think tomorrow's Movie Night in the PIT.

Bazooka came back for a check up. He tried to lie and say he'd followed my directions. The only problem is that Bazooka can't lie very well. I told him if he couldn't follow simple eating habits, I'd let Beach Head or Stalker supervise a physical fitness program for him. I think that's convinced him.

I also found a cat today. He was going through a trash can outside the building. Poor thing. He was pretty scrawny, so I brought him inside and fed him. He's an old , orange tabby cat, maybe twelve years old. His tail's bent, it was broken at one point and healed wrong. One of his ears is halfway missing and there's a scar on his face. I fixed up a nice bed for him in the infirmary out of an old box and some towels. I think tonight I'll go get some flea powder and food for him.

Beach Head and Gung Ho have nicknamed him D.C. This being short for "Damn Cat". Well, I couldn't just leave him outside to starve. He's an old cat, he needs to be taken care of. Hopefully General Hawk doesn't make me kick D.C. out. I'll refuse.

By the way, they still have the girly bedsheets. Duke saw them and laughed his ass off. He told them it was a fitting punishment for trying to escape. He didn't say anything about the cat.


	16. Entry 16

Doctor's Log

September 6, 2004

D.C. seems to have taken up the infirmary as his new residence. No one's said anything to me about having a cat in here yet. I'm sure it's against regulations. Oh well. The cat doesn't like Shipwreck. It hissed at him when he walked through the door. Beach Head and Gung Ho had a better opinion of the cat after that.

Remember those security cameras that I had Mainframe put in? I guess he and Jinx went through the footage today. I think they're trying to find good stuff to show at Movie Night tonight. I'm actually thinking about going to it.

Leatherneck's mostly recovered from his incident with Courtney, but he's trying to avoid her now when possible. Low Light is still undeterred though. He came back in today and briefly consulted with Gung Ho about the matchmaking. I don't think they've given up on the idea yet.

Bazooka came back today. He still didn't follow my instructions. Beach Head made him drop and give him fifty. I'm giving Bazooka one more chance before I ship him off to Stalker. I've also informed Roadblock of certain foods that should be barred from him.

Gung Ho decided that he's going to write a book. He's named it Gung Ho's Guide to Self Enlightenment. The crazy Marine started to write some of it today and Beach Head proof read it. I think he's calling the first chapter "Livin' Like a Cajun." This can not go well.

They two of them really didn't get into much trouble today. All they really did was watch both _Toy Story _movies. I heard "To Infinity and Beyond" repeated several times today. As a result of good behavior, I gave them a box of animal crackers, some crayons, and two coloring books and told them to share. They didn't think it was funny.

D.C.'s lying in his box right now watching me. He knows I'm the one taking care of him, so now he's "protecting" me. I guess that's why he hissed at Shipwreck this morning. He's mostly ignored Beach Head and Gung Ho so far.

Well, I better get going. Movie Night starts in about half and hour, and I don't want to miss it.

Author's Note: I will be out of town for a few days. My grandma's funeral is Wed., so I won't update until Thursday or Friday probably.


	17. Entry 17

****

Doctor's Log

September 7, 2004

Movie Night was hilarious last night. Most of the Joes that were off duty were there, even General Hawk. Beach Head and Gung Ho were forced to stay in the infirmary. They'd have thrown a holy fit if they'd seen the footage Jinx had shot.

Everyone was laughing hysterically at the sight of Beach Head and Gung Ho being forced to endure pink and _Little Mermaid _bed sheets. This wasn't the only footage of Joes that we watched though.

There was a little clip someone had shot, I think it was Lady Jaye, I don't know. But it was of an angry Scarlett pushing Snake Eyes into the pool, and him being dunked by Jinx. I guess even a ninja like Snake Eyes can get frightened of two angry women. I wonder what he'd done to make them mad.

Other clips that we watched included a philosophical debate between Duke and Flint over Coca-Cola Vs. Pepsi. Don't ask, it was weird. They didn't know they were being taped. Another clip was of Roadblock trying to teach Firewall and Kamakura how to gourmet cook. It was interesting to say the least. Kamakura somehow thought that two cups of rice was two cups per person. The pot exploded with rice. Roadblock had chased him out of the kitchen after that. Firewall seemed to do pretty well though. Roadblock's claimed her as his protégé'.

Along with this, we made fun of some Cobra propaganda tapes that Stalker had found. I took these back to the infirmary and let my two patients amuse themselves. Beach Head and Gung Ho had a ball with making fun of the promotional videos.

D.C. has taken it upon himself the be the infirmary "guard." Every person that comes in must pass his inspection. If they meet his approval, he usually ignores them. But if someone like Shipwreck or Clutch comes in, D.C. hisses and goes into "attack kitty" mode. He scared Clutch off.

Speaking of D.C., he got in a fight with Junkyard in the hallway. You'd think an old, battle-scarred cat would lose to a dog at least half his age, maybe more. But D.C. kicked his ass. Junkyard ran with his tail between his legs to find his master. An angry Mutt came in, but Junkyard was the one that started the fight, not D.C.

Beach Head and Gung Ho greatly admired the old cat after the battle. They've started calling him the "Old Soldier." Beach Head also called him "Old Blood and Guts," which was General George S. Patton's nickname. They even coaxed him over to their beds and gave the belligerent cat a treat. D.C. settled happily on the small table between them and enjoyed the praise. Leatherneck even popped his head in here after he heard about the "battle." He said I should start taking D.C. along on the missions and let him do the fighting I won't do.

At least Beach Head and Gung Ho like the cat now. I hope I'm not forced to give him up.

__

Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone who gave me their condolences. Thank you. I'll finish updating tomorrow so that the date is current.


	18. Entry 18

Doctor's Log

September 8, 2004

Bazooka couldn't keep to a simple diet. How pathetic is that? It's not like he had to do much. Oh well. Stalker's sticking him in with the Greenshirts for a week to lose a few pounds. Bazooka's very unhappy about it. He should have listened to me.

As an unfortunate result of Movie Night, Ace, Mainframe, and Clutch have decided to create their own "reality" series. They plan to show their episodes on Movie Nights. Now no matter where they go, one of them has a digital camcorder. Mainframe's probably stuck a hidden camera on one of them. Flint was shaking his head at the three of them.

Mainframe, Ace, and Clutch came in here and tried to film Beach Head and Gung Ho. But before the two of them could do any damage, D.C. chased the three would be television stars out. Gung Ho called him a "good bad kitty" after that.

Gung Ho worked some more on his book, but he eventually got bored with it. Psyche Out came to my rescue today and kept them occupied. He came in with a bag full of toys and dumped them on the table between them and told them to play. (I told him about my new policy of treating them like children until they behave better.) Beach Head chewed him out about it. But before you knew it, the two of them had started to stage a mock battle between the toys.

Beach Head's "army" consisted of those little, green, plastic army men, an X-Wing fighter, and a Wolverine action figure. (He and Gung Ho had a battle of their own over the Wolverine toy.) Gung Ho's "army" consisted also of the plastic army men, a Bob the Builder truck, and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figure. Both of them had created "domains" out of LEGOS.

There was a Barbie Doll in there too. I think Cover Girl had stuck it in the bag. Beach Head and Gung Ho's "armies" had briefly signed a treaty to team up and defeat the evil COBRA Barbie. (She got tossed in a trash can after being decapitated.)

Their battle came to an abrupt, bloody conclusion however after "Catzilla" decided to take an interest in the toy warfare. Several army men met a cruel fate at the fangs of D.C.

You know, the security cameras are still up. I have a feeling that today will be shown at the next Movie Night.


	19. Entry 19

****

Doctor's Log

September 9, 2004

Ace, Mainframe, Clutch, Shipwreck and Mutt had complained to General Hawk about my cat. He came in and tried to force me into getting rid of him. Surprisingly, Beach Head and Gung Ho came to my defense. Apparently they've become rather fond of D.C.

Another surprise to me was the fact that other Joes rallied against Hawk. All the female Joes came in and formed a defensive line in front of D.C. You could tell that the Tomahawk wasn't expecting a revolt against him on behalf of a cat. I thought he was going to explode. Spirit had to calm him down.

After much debate, we finally "convinced" General Hawk that the cat should stay. By convinced I mean by Hawk thinking that it was his decision. It was decided that even if I'm away on duty, the nurses or other Joes would take care of the cat.

However, the Tomahawk could never consent to being beaten by "that damnable bloody cat." He glared death eyes at D.C. However, it's never a good idea to have a staring match with a cat. General Hawk lost, but he tried to pretend that he let D.C. win. It was pretty funny to watch, but we all had to hold our breath until he was well out of hearing range before we burst into laughter.

In celebration of our victory, Leatherneck went out and bought D.C. a camouflage collar. He was going to get a spiked collar, but got voted down. Roadblock also brought the cat a few cans of _Fancy Feast_. You know, it's really funny (and surprising) to see all these tough Joes sticking their necks out on the line for an old cat. I find it almost hard to believe.

Because Beach Head and Gung Ho had come to D.C.'s aid, the women took away the feminine bedsheets and gave them back the original ones.

Wild Bill came in after the Tomahawk episode. He tried to convince Beach Head into singing patriotic songs with him during the 9/11 ceremony on Saturday. Beach Head doesn't want to sing, but I have a feeling that Wild Bill will figure out a way to force him into it.

I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

__

Author's Note: I'll let you decide. Should Wild Bill "convince" BH to sing with him or should our favorite Ranger find a way out of it? RR and tell me.


	20. Entry 20

****

Doctor's Log

September 10, 2004

Wild Bill tricked Beach Head into singing at the ceremony tomorrow. I'm sure he'll still try to get out of it. The Ranger told Wild Bill that he hated him. Wild Bill just laughed at him.

What he did was enlist the help of Bazooka. You see, Bazooka has an even worse singing voice than Cover Girl. Mainframe put a hidden recorder on Bazooka and Wild Bill shoved him into the infirmary. Bazooka started to sing the national anthem, and he mangled it horribly. Beach Head, not being able to stand it, told Bazooka to shut up.

Bazooka challenged Beach Head to see if he could sing it any better. Not wanting to back down to any kind of challenge, the Ranger sang the song. It was really good. After an argument, Bazooka left and gave the recording to Wild Bill.

Wild Bill rushed off to show the recording to Duke and General Hawk. I guess at first they laughed at the idea of Beach Head singing at the ceremony tomorrow, but after they listened to him sing they gave Wild Bill their approval to get him on stage. After losing yesterday, General Hawk seemed to have a perverse pleasure into forcing Beach Head on stage. He told Wild Bill he could use extreme measures if necessary.

Beach Head was mad. He was even angrier after Gung Ho and I teamed up on Wild Bill's side. He got shuffled off with Wild Bill to practice the songs for tomorrow. He's swearing vengeance against all of us.

I didn't hear their practice, but I heard he made two escape attempts. Wild Bill finally threw him a challenge. Like I said before, Beach Head can't resist a challenge from anyone.

I also noticed today that Rock N' Roll was taking great care in painting some of the vehicles red, white, and blue. He's somehow talked William, Cobra Commander's son, into helping him. William is actually quite the artist. He painted a very impressive eagle on the side of Courtney's tank.

Roadblock is also busy preparing food for tomorrow. He's enlisted the aid of Firewall and two of the Greenshirts. He posted a sign on the kitchen door that barred Shipwreck, Clutch, Tripwire, and Kamakura from entering. Roadblock later added Leatherneck's name to the list after the Marine was trying to sample the goods.

As for me, I was busy today. I had a steady stream of Joes donating blood and plasma for the Red Cross. Gung Ho helped me a little bit to keep everything in order. He couldn't sit still the whole day though. He tied a small American flag to D.C.'s collar, but the cat didn't like it. The Marine also spent the day conferring with Low Light over Operation CGBH since Beach Head wasn't there.

Everyone seems to be calling their families. Gung Ho called his little sister and ended up getting into an argument with her. I think she won it. I called and talked to one of my cousins. He asked me if I was going to call my father. I don't know if I will. I probably should, but I still have trouble talking to him. The last time I talked to him was at Christmas time.

Anyway, I'm sure the ceremony tomorrow will be nice.


	21. Entry 21

****

Doctor's Log

September 11, 2004

The 9/11 ceremony was today. It was very nice. Someone shot an old cannon off at the hours the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon were hit. There was also a shot for the plane that went down in Pennsylvania.

We flew the flag at half mast today. There was a twelve gun salute when it was raised up on the pole. Someone played taps after the salute. Everyone was dressed in their dress uniforms as well. Even Snake Eyes and Jinx, they didn't wear their ninjitsu clothing. Beach Head and Gung Ho managed to get theirs on despite the casts. General Hawk gave a short speech.

After that, there was a parade of military vehicles, and jets flew in formation overhead. Rock N' Roll had managed to paint one tank and three Humvees. Stalker had the Greenshirts march in formation. Wild Bill borrowed a few horses and a carriage from somewhere. The top ranking officers rode in it. Beach Head and Gung Ho had also "dressed up" their wheel chairs with miniature flags.

After this everyone ate lunch, courtesy of Roadblock and his helpers. It was excellent. Barbecued ribs, potato salad, apple pie, you name it.

The concert started at 7:00 pm. Beach Head opened it up by singing the "Star Spangled Banner." Many of the Joes were skeptical when they saw who was going to be singing it. But after he was done, there were quite a few misty eyes in the audience. After that, Wild Bill sang "America the Beautiful" and Alan Jackson's "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?" Beach Head then sang Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (The Angry American)." He even dedicated the song to his dad, who'd been a soldier too. After that, he sang the "Ballad of the Green Berets." Then Wild Bill sang Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA."

After this, he and Wild Bill sang a few duets. They sang "Beer for My Horses", which was a song by Toby Keith and Willie Nelson. They also sang Toby Keith's "American Soldier" and "The Taliban Song." It was pretty funny. I looked up the lyrics later, here's one of the verses.

"But you know someday soon we're going to both saddle up  
And it'll be ride camel ride  
My old lady, she'll be here with me  
Just smilin' right by my side  
We should do just fine out around Palestine  
Or maybe Turkmenistan  
We'll bid a fair adieu and flip the finger to  
The Taliban."

Everyone in the audience then sang every military and patriotic song we knew, including "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and each song for every branch of the military, like the "Marine Corps. Hymn."

After that, the national anthem was sung again for the closing, but this time everyone joined in. Everyone also was holding candles that we lit during the song. Then when the song was over, someone set fireworks off.

It was awesome.

After the concert, Beach Head tried to make a quick escape. He'd done his part and had ended up putting a tear in that mask of his, to his dismay. He did get caught though because several people came up and complemented him. Even Shipwreck told him he did a good job. I think I remember seeing the Greenshirts staring at him with open mouths. I guess it never occurred to them that the Sergeant Major from Hell could sing like that. (Actually, pretty much everyone had that opinion.)

Everyone got along today, but I'm sure tomorrow will be back to normal.

__

Author's Note: Today's entry really doesn't have much humor in it, but I figured that on 9/11, everyone would be focused on other things than antagonizing each other.


	22. Entry 22

****

Doctor's Log

September 12, 2004

I was right, everyone was back to normal today. General Hawk came in with two broken fingers on his right hand. I guess he'd better learn how to write with his left one. He wouldn't say how he did it. I have the feeling that our fearless leader probably did something incredibly stupid.

Duke knows what happened, but he won't say. Hawk probably swore him to secrecy.

Dusty also made his appearance today into this asylum for the criminally insane. Seriously, I think I'm going to rename my infirmary Lifeline's Asylum for the Insane. I seem to get all of the crazy people in here. Granted, Dusty isn't as bad as many of the Joes, but paired with Beach Head and Gung Ho, well… Let's just say that they may not be the best influence on him.

I don't think he'll cause any problems for a few days. (Hopefully.) He's in really bad shape. Dusty has a mild concussion and second and third degree burns on his body. Gung Ho's first comment to him was that he looked like shit.

Dusty's slept most of the day, I know he's in a lot of pain. He did wake up enough for him to have a conversation with the other two. They were debating on the best way to kill a snake. (Not COBRA, just snakes in general.) I'm not sure how that conversation came about.

Beach Head's trying to pretend that the concert yesterday didn't happen. He doesn't want to admit to actually having sung on stage with Wild Bill. I guess it doesn't really fit with his self made image of the bad ass Ranger. Speaking of the concert, Gung Ho secretly sent a copy of it to Beach Head's sister.

Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, they watched _The Matrix _today. After that, they had a long debate on whether life really was an illusion. They really must be bored.

I let them go outside today in their wheelchairs. Snake Eyes and Spirit escorted them to make sure an escape attempt wasn't made. They tried to run down Shipwreck. He took refuge in a tree and yelled bloody murder at them. Gung Ho also had to go check on his Chevy to make sure it was still okay.

I'd better go, Dusty just woke up and seems a bit out of it.

__

Author's Note: Does anyone know how long people stay in the hospital for broken bones? I've actually never had one. I'm just wondering how much longer Beach Head and Gung Ho should stay in the infirmary. I know that casts are usually on for a long time, and that there's therapy after they come off.


	23. Entry 23

**Doctor's Log**

September 13, 2004

Chuckles wrecked his car this morning. He and Falcon had been drag racing in the country. You can bet Duke busted their butts for that. He managed to come out mostly unscathed, with just some scratches on his face and arms, and some bruises. You know, Duke has no room to talk, and neither does Flint. I seem to remember them pulling a similar stunt about eleven years ago.

William managed to escape injury from Roadblock earlier. Disappointed that Kamakura couldn't cook, Roadblock decided to recruit William into the kitchen to try his hand at cooking. It was a disaster. I was standing right there when Roadblock chased him out of the kitchen, waving a spatula while yelling "Can't any of you ninjas bloody cook?!" I guess he accidentally started a fire on the stove. After that, Roadblock posted a sign on the kitchen door. This is what it said.

"All ninjas or anyone with ninja training is hereby banned from these premises. They have  
been found to be a menace to the cooking society."

Roadblock

Well as you can imagine, this didn't sit well with Jinx. She went in to prove Roadblock wrong, but ended up accidentally breaking a few dishes. She slipped out before he noticed. Snake Eyes as of yet hasn't made an attempt to infiltrate the kitchen.

Meanwhile, back in the infirmary, Beach Head and Gung Ho became artist wannabes. They used the crayons I'd given them a few days ago to decorate the wall between them. I was mad. They tried to defend themselves by saying they had to repaint the room anyway because of the marker, so what was wrong with a little crayon? Except that it wasn't a little crayon, it was a lot of crayon. They had a whole mural drawn up of a mock battle scene. Interestingly enough, there also seemed to be a _Matrix _figure dodging bullets from some COBRA troops.

Since Dusty couldn't do any kind of activity, he wanted to watch a movie. Of course, the movies he wanted to watch just had to be _Star Wars. _He didn't know about the lightsaber battle since he'd been in Egypt at the time.

He was disappointed when I told him that they'd been banned. Dusty laughed pretty hard after I told him why they'd been banned. He didn't believe me at first until Beach Head and Gung Ho showed him their casts, which still bore the names of "Darth Wayne" and "Jedi Master LaFitte." Then he got mad at them for getting the movies banned and ruining it for him.

Dusty negotiated with me and I allowed him to watch the _Indiana Jones _trilogy. Beach Head and Gung Ho were quite happy to comply. I guess they like the movies, which is a little surprising to me. Personally, the _The__ Last Crusade _is my favorite of the three movies. But that's probably because I love the character Sean Connery plays as Indy's father. He's basically a non-combatant too. They've already watched the first movie and are currently watching _The Temple of Doom_. I'm just hoping no unfortunate effects come from watching this like what had happened from _Star Wars_.

D.C. has also taken to Dusty, although he's not in much of a position to pet him. He was surprised I had a cat. He was even more surprised that the cat liked Beach Head and Gung Ho and that they liked him back. Right now D.C.'s perched on the table between them. He seems to have taken up an additional duty of "guarding" any of my patients. They're getting a kick out it.

Let's just hope Shipwreck or Clutch don't end up in here. I don't think D.C. would "guard" them.


	24. Entry 24

**Doctor's Log**

September 14, 2004

They booby-trapped the infirmary! They actually booby-trapped it! It looked like _Indiana Jones_ gone bad. Psyche Out was with me when I went to the infirmary this morning. The first obstacle was that the doorway had been covered with ceran wrap. After we got through that, we found that they'd somehow put a water balloon just right on top of the door. It hit Psyche Out, I managed to avoid it.

After this, we discovered that the whole room was crisscrossed by string. By accidentally touching one string, a basketball came hurdling toward us off a shelf. (Psyche Out had a deadly look in his eyes after that.) We soon discovered that nearly every string was attached to some sort of "trap." At least they had the forethought to move D.C.'s bed out of the disaster area.

Dusty claimed that he had no involvement of any kind in all of this. True, he couldn't actually have done any of this, but he didn't exactly alert anyone either. From the way they talked, I think the ceran wrap was even Dusty's idea. Okay, by this time even I was getting very angry. Remember how I reacted to the alcohol incident? Well, the same thing happened again. I even kicked a trashcan. They got that deer in the headlights look again. Beach Head and Gung Ho began to disassemble the traps after I threatened to call Hawk.

Later on in the day, I got them back. Nonviolently, of course. I managed to, with Psyche Out's help, to duct tape Beach Head and Gung Ho to the bed while they were sleeping. Dusty was awake, but he couldn't move anyway. Besides, duct tape would just aggravate his burns and the skin grafts. The whole time he was yelling that I'd gone insane until Psyche Out finally stuffed a medical rag into his mouth. After they woke up, Beach Head accused me of drugging them. But I find that such a harsh word. All I did was slip some sedatives into their drinks.

After this, I put in a call to Scarlett. She showed up fifteen minutes later with Cover Girl, Lady Jaye, and Jinx in tow. They brought in a whole stack of movies. The guys started to scream bloody murder (Except Dusty, who still had the rag in his mouth.) until Jinx put duct tape over their mouths. Duct tape is such a wonderful invention. Low Light had the misfortune of sticking his head in as this was going on. Having discovered from the security tapes that he'd given them the supplies, (Plus the fact that Cover Girl hadn't gotten him back yet for the matchmaking.) Low Light was duct taped to a chair and gagged.

The first movie they had to watch was _Little Women_, and then they watched _Steel Magnolias. _Now they're watching _Pokemon the Movie_. They have yet to watch _Spy Kids, Blue's Clues _episodes, and a collection other chick flicks and kid's movies. Duke and Flint were coming in when they saw this. They took one look at all of us and backed out the door. They took off running down the hallway. Ace came back later with his digital camera to get Beach Head, Gung Ho, Low Light, and Dusty on tape.

I hear the betting pool has jumped to $621.00.


	25. Entry 25

**Doctor's Log**

September 15, 2004

We forced them to watch more movies today. But General Hawk said no more. He thought we were being too extreme, especially after I had Bazooka and Deep Six come and sing songs for them. They've got to have the worst singing voices I've ever heard. Some of the movies they watched today included some movie called _Mystic Pizza_, a _Sailor Moon _movie, and some really bad C movies.

After we finally turned off the movies and untied them, they were quiet for a very long time. Low Light bolted from the room as soon as he was loose. I didn't see him for the rest of the day. The only time the other three did anything remotely bad today was to hum the Darth Vader theme when Cover Girl walked into the infirmary.

We still weren't without any kind of excitement today though. Scarlett had decided that she and Snake Eyes were going to go car hunting. As a result, he tried to hide out in the infirmary for a while. But even a ninja couldn't hold out against her. She stalked in and threw some civilian clothes and him and "told" him to change. I never knew Snake Eyes could sulk like that. Beach Head and Gung Ho were making whipping motions when he was led out of the room. (She had a hand on his arm to make sure he wouldn't escape.)

Gung Ho resumed work on Gung Ho's Guide to Self Enlightenment. He added a part on how you should never piss of your doctor, even if he is a Pacifist. Then he added a part saying that I was a sneaky, conniving bastard. The Marine tried to tell me that it was a compliment. Yeah, right.

Dusty, for his part, decided to read the rest of the day. He had a nice little collection of _Far Side _comics that he shared with the other two. I noticed that he was also reading a Harry Potter book, but he tried to hide it whenever he saw me looking at him.

As for Beach Head, well, he was a bit lost today. He didn't know what to do to keep himself occupied. The Ranger played solitare for a while, then read some autobiography of General Patton. After that, he looked at Dusty's _Far Side _comics and decided to try his hand at cartooning. I didn't look at them, but I'm sure they're very frightening.

I spoke with General Hawk about Beach Head and Gung Ho. He's considering giving them leave in a week or two. Thank God.


	26. Entry 26

**Doctor's Log**

September 16, 2004

Beach Head and Gung Ho had the strangest looks on their faces this morning when I walked in. They also seemed to be on edge for some reason but wouldn't tell me why. Dusty finally laughed at them and told me. The two of them think the infirmary is haunted.

Seriously, they think they saw a ghost last night. Dusty was asleep though and didn't see anything. When he woke up, he said it was about 1:45 am when someone jabbed him in the face. I guess waking up in the middle of the night with a freaked out Gung Ho and Beach Head hovering over you isn't a pleasant thing.

I tried to tell them that it was probably the cat, but they weren't convinced. Gung Ho and Beach Head later spent probably two hours pouring over the security tapes trying to find their "ghost."

Strangely enough, some of my instruments were misplaced when I know they were in the proper order yesterday. You can guess what that got blamed on. I don't think they did it, they're too convinced that there actually is a ghost. It's probably some huge prank being pulled by someone. D.C. didn't seem too concerned about anything today. I'm sure if something was up, he'd let us know.

Dusty agrees with me, it's probably just a joke. Even if ghosts were real, why would my infirmary suddenly be haunted anyway?

Okay, enough with that subject now. Rock N' Roll came in with really bad poison ivy. I think he must have rolled in it or something because it was everywhere. Flint and Falcon had also attempted to grill some hamburgers for lunch, but somehow caused the grill to become one large bonfire. You should have seen Roadblock's face.

Oh God, D.C.'s hissing at the corner and his fur is standing on end, but there's nothing there. Ghosts don't really exist, do they?


	27. Entry 27

**Doctor's Log**

September 17, 2004

Who the hell let them watch _The Sixth Sense_?! Now Beach Head and Gung Ho really are freaked out. I suspect one of the women brought the film in. Anyway, they saw the "ghost" again last night. Except Dusty, who slept through it again. They'd forgotten about his skin grafts and had thrown a pillow at him across the room to wake him up. Dusty wants to kill them now.

As if it couldn't get any worse, Recondo came in with a snake bite. He found out about the ghost sighting and "entertained" them with several ghost stories of his own. Damn Recondo.

Beach Head and Gung Ho want their guns. An irritated Dusty asked them what the hell a gun would do against a ghost. Beach Head considered that for a few minutes before replying that it would wake him up to see it. Dusty gave him the finger.

After a large debate, Dusty finally consented to let them tie a string to his finger for the night. If they see the ghost, then they'll pull on the string and wake him up. I need to pause a moment and rub the headache that is currently forming.

Okay, after that they also tried to talk me into staying the night to prove that there actually is a ghost. I said no. Gung Ho also somehow talked Ace into letting him borrow his camcorder. He's determined to get the "ghost" on film. I have a feeling that the next Movie Night is going to be very interesting.

Medical school never warned me about any of this.


	28. Entry 28

****

Doctor's Log

September 18, 2004

Dusty is convinced that Beach Head and Gung Ho are insane. They woke him up early this morning by pulling on the string, but he didn't see the "ghost." He is pissed off though for being woken up at 3:20 in the morning and he claims that they almost tore his finger off with the string.

As for Ace's camcorder, Gung Ho didn't get the "ghost" on it. It is rather amusing to watch the footage though. You can hear Beach Head and Gung Ho trying to convince themselves that there isn't a ghost while Dusty snores unconcerned in the background. There's a moment when they think the ghost has come, but it just turns out to be D.C. playing with someone's shoe. You can hear Gung Ho yell Damn Cat at him.

When the "ghost" does show up, you can hear "Oh shit" and some other words that I won't repeat here. Beach Head tried to get Gung Ho to talk to it. I still don't think there's really a ghost, someone's probably pulling a really elaborate prank on them. For some reason Mainframe comes to mind, he'd have the technical ability to do this with holograms or something. Jinx could be behind it too. God knows what ninjas are capable of.

When I came in this morning, they'd moved D.C.'s bed to the table between them. They claim it was so they could protect him. I have the feeling it was more the other way around, but good luck getting them to admit that.

Some smart ass had printed off the _Ghostbuster _logos and taped them their wheelchairs. This person had also taped one to the infirmary door, but I tore it off and threw it away. I'd like to know who did it. Leatherneck also came in today and made fun of them for being scared of a ghost. They challenged him to stay the night and see for himself that the ghost was real. He actually accepted. Oh boy.

Dusty asked me if I could move him to a bed a little farther away from the others. Under the circumstances, I agreed. I can't say I blame him. The other two are trying to think up "ghost traps" to prove that the damn thing exists. I'd be a little uneasy too.

I feel a migraine coming on.


	29. Entry 29

**Doctor's Log**

September 19, 2004

Leatherneck is now a firm believer in the "ghost." They called me at 1:03 am. I may be a pacifist, but at that moment I was ready to cause physical damage. Can't I get any damn sleep?! I told them they were GI Joes and to suck it up. Then I went back to sleep. I did feel sorry for Dusty for having to put up with them.

Poor Dusty. D.C. slept with him last night. The cat kept giving the other three a "You crazy humans" look. I guess he decided it was safer with Dusty. I don't know what I'm going to do with the three of them.

Lady Jaye also tried to sneak in _Psycho _and _The Exorcist_ for them to watch, but after one look at me she turned around and left with the movies. I wasn't in a good mood. All of my medicine had been switched around, tools in the wrong places, medical rags and bandages scattered around the infirmary, and my office files were laying in a pile on the floor. It was a complete and utter disaster. Even Dusty was a little spooked when he saw all of this. If this is a prank, and it had better be, I swear I'll kill the person behind it. Okay, maybe not kill, but I will definitely harm them in some way.

Duke and Flint stuck their heads in to see what was the matter. They seemed to halfway believe the ghost theory after that too. Flint even called some psychic hotline for advice on getting rid of ghosts.

Beach Head, Leatherneck, and Gung Ho have become wannabe ghost hunters. They're now determined to get rid of the "ghost." It all has to be one big prank, it has to be. Ghosts aren't real. I hope they're not real.

I've actually agreed to stay the night with them to see this "ghost." Dusty's even going to attempt to stay awake tonight too. God help us.


	30. Entry 30

**Doctor's Log**

September 20, 2004

Oh my god. It's real….Why does MY infirmary have to be haunted by a bloody ghost?!

It came in around midnight. D.C., who'd been sleeping with me, woke me up when he started hissing. His fur stood straight on end. The ghost was roaming around the room when Beach Head turned a huge flashlight on it and yelled at Gung Ho to go get it. That freaked me out. Gung Ho yelled back at him to go get the damn thing himself. D.C. gave a really loud hiss (It was more of a growl I think, but I didn't know little cats could growl like that.) and tried to attack the ghost when it suddenly disappeared.

Amazingly, Dusty slept through it all. His response when I woke him up was "Dammit, how come I'm the only guy who never sees it?!"

I thought that was the end of it for the night until Tripwire came hurdling into the room while yelling that he'd seen it. It had been utter silence, then all of a sudden that madman had come crashing (literally) into the room while yelling at the top of his lungs. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die. Even the other three jumped when he came running in. They chewed him out for that big time.

Apparently after it left us, the ghost had visited other areas of the PIT last night. Jinx, Stalker, Duke, and a few others saw it too. There's bullet holes in one of the hallways from where Mercer tried to shoot it. Damn Ex-Viper, good thing he didn't hit anyone. Of course the sound of gunfire woke quite a few people up. Someone else, I don't know who, pulled the alarms after seeing the ghost and hearing the gunfire. Let's just say that General Hawk wasn't a happy camper this morning.

Okay, that's an understatement. The Tomahawk was in a very foul mood, as we unfortunately found out later. Along with the mess hall being trashed, the bullet holes, the alarms, women's lingerie and underwear in the control room (Don't ask, I have no idea.), Hawk's office had also become a disaster area during the night. His office files were lying around the room, his computer was on, and his prized autographed Babe Ruth baseball was missing. Hawk won't believe any of us when we tell him it was the ghost.

General Hawk now has the whole PIT on lockdown until the culprit or culprits are found and brought to justice. The only problem is, how do you catch a ghost? Especially when your commanding officer, who happens to be a very scary man, is convinced that everyone else is insane and that there is no ghost? Everyone is on probation courtesy of the Tomahawk.

As you can imagine, everyone here is in fear of his or her life.


	31. Entry 31

**Doctor's Log**

September 21, 2004

General Hawk is still on the war path. He found his beloved baseball sitting in the motor pool this morning. Everyone who works in that area has now been dragged into his office for questioning. Everyone still blames it on the ghost, even though he won't believe any of it. He even had Psyche Out evaluate several of them, including Clutch, for any mental disorders. All the tests came up negative.

Flint also got on his bad side today too. Hawk found out that he'd been consulting with some psychic on how to get rid of ghosts. He got his ass chewed for it. Oh, and Falcon got busted for trying to hold a séance down in the brig. Spirit also tried some shaman techniques to try to get the ghost to leave. An angry Hawk banned him from it since he doesn't think the ghost is real. I think the smell of incense was what gave him away.

Meanwhile, Roadblock has set up an unofficial "vigil" of the kitchen in case the ghost tries to trash it like it did to the mess hall. He has promised a double chocolate cake with Bavarian crème filling to anyone who can catch the ghost. As a result, many Joes have become "ghost hunters," including Snake Eyes, Jinx, and Stalker. I guess bribery does have its benefits.

As for Beach Head, Gung Ho, Dusty, and I, we've been researching ghosts on the internet. (Yes, I actually let them on my laptop.) I want that damned thing out of my infirmary, in fact, I want it out of the PIT all together. (Plus the reward of Roadblock's cake is an incentive. I never said I was perfect.) We were going to try to get hold of holy water to sprinkle around the base, but Duke shot it down. (I think he just wants the reward for himself.)

I think Mainframe and Firewall have teamed up for the ghost hunting. They've been walking up and down the hallway loaded with electronics. Of course, they hide when the Tomahawk comes by. He's banned all of the ghost hunting. But that hasn't stopped anyone from doing it. Oh, by the way, Hawk still has us on lockdown. The Pentagon's probably wondering what the hell's going on in here.

I'm going to sleep in the infirmary again tonight. We're going to attempt to catch the ghost if it shows up. Wish us luck.


	32. Entry 32

**Doctor's Log**

September 22, 2004

This is the third day of lockdown. Damn Hawk. No one's allowed to leave or come in. It's not like we're in a crisis or anything. Okay, it is a crisis, but not the kind he's thinking about. Duke got his ass chewed today. I guess he saw the ghost again last night, so he backed up on his former decision of being against our idea. He tried to sneak in a few gallons of holy water from one of the area churches. Hawk found out about it.

Kamakura managed to save one gallon. He stole it from behind Hawk's back when he was dumping them down the kitchen sink. He and William ran around the PIT sprinkling holy water everywhere before the Tomahawk could stop them. Both are now currently sitting in the brig. I heard that Duke slipped them a bag of M&M's when no one was looking.

As for our attempt to catch the ghost last night, it never came. The damn thing never came into the infirmary last night. We had infrared cameras, night vision goggles and everything.

We've been trying to figure out why there's a ghost haunting the PIT. I don't even know who's ghost it would be. Hawk's threatening to turn us all into ghosts.

Oh yeah, Firewall made her entrance into the infirmary today. Her and Mainframe's attempt at ghost hunting didn't work out. She got banged on the head by a piece of falling equipment and now has a concussion. I just hope that my other three patients don't corrupt the young woman.

I wonder if that holy water will get rid of the ghost. If it does, I guess Kamakura, William, and maybe Duke will get Roadblock's cake. Damn it. It was our idea to begin with.


	33. Entry 33

_Author's Note: This is a response to some confusion over the holy water. Yes, it is just ordinary water, but it is water that has been consecrated by a priest. I suppose it's a matter of belief if you personally think the water is holy. In the Catholic Church, in which I belong, we use holy water quite a bit in blessings, baptisms, and can be used for exorcisms. I did brief research on how ghost hunters get rid of ghosts, and their websites say to either have a priest bless the haunted area and pray for the spirit, or to bring in a psychic. Since the PIT is in lockdown, it'd be just about impossible to sneak in a person, so Duke and the others had figured that water blessed by a priest was the next best alternative. Okay, enough of Jaye's interesting fact of the day, on with the story. I only wrote this to try to avoid confusion._

**Doctor's Log**

September 23, 2004

This is the fourth day of lockdown. Damn Hawk.

Kamakura and William broke out of the brig last night. That's a bit out of character. Kamakura's too young and new to pull a stunt like that and William's not going to intentionally piss anyone off because he's not officially a Joe. A big reason that probably is would be that Cobra Commander is his father. Not that I personally have a problem with that. Funny thing is, we both have something in common…..very poor fathers.

Anyway, I guess the reason they'd broken out was because they had a visit from the ghost. Apparently they forgot to put holy water around the brig, or they had just run out of it. They were only able to steal a gallon from General Hawk. The poor guys were so freaked out that they threw caution to the wind and busted out. Hawk was pissed.

A very angry Hawk marched them back down to the brig, which the two of them have renamed "The Dark Pit of Doom." I have the feeling that those two are forming the kind of destructive friendship that Falcon and Chuckles have. They seem to get into more trouble when they're with each other. This is not good.

The ghost didn't appear last night, at least not in the areas where the holy water had been. (Which wasn't many places.) Maybe it really does work.

Oh, and Firewall was more conscious today. She's the first "casualty" of this damnable "Ghost War." She had her laptop with her and was teaching the other three idiots basic hacking skills. That definitely isn't good. The last thing we need is Beach Head, Gung Ho, and Dusty with ANY kind of hacking capabilities. And I was worried about them corrupting her. Hah. Firewall's the one being a bad influence on them. Hacking…oh God.

I almost forgot, Hawk threw Cover Girl and Jinx into the brig too. They'd "borrowed" several weapons without authorization and were tracking (Or so they claim.) the ghost. I hear they almost blew up the boardroom. Why they were firing weapons in there, I have no idea. It's not like it's going to kill a ghost or anything.

Uh oh, I can hear Hawk bellowing down the hallway. I suppose I better hide our equipment before we get thrown in the brig too.


	34. Entry 34

**Doctor's Log**

September 24, 2004

This is the fifth day of lockdown. Damn Hawk. Everyone's starting to go nuts, and it's not just because of the ghost. Several Joes staged an unsuccessful mutiny. Wet Suit, Chuckles, Ace, and Shipwreck had somehow organized a small group into a very weak strike. They were marching outside Hawk's office while holding up signs. Some of these signs said "End the Lockdown," "Freedom or Bust," and "Ghosts are Real!" However, most of them lost their courage when General Hawk actually showed up. He managed to catch the ring leaders before they tried to run away. As a result, Wet Suit, Chuckles, Ace, and Shipwreck are also in the brig.

That makes seven Joes in the brig, eight if you count William. Eight people, and probably more to come. At this rate, there'll be no one to stand ready in case COBRA would attack. Everyone will be in the brig.

I hear, I don't know if it's true, but I heard that the Jugglers called Hawk to see what the hell was going on. I also hear that the Secretary of Defense himself called. I wonder what Hawk told Donald Rumsfeld. The Ghost didn't show up at the infirmary again last night. You know in all this time, Dusty still hasn't seen it.

Firewall continued her hacking lessons to the guys. I'm starting to get a little frightened. I even unhooked my computer from the network so they wouldn't attempt to get into it. They were debating on if they should attempt to hack into Hawk's computer, but then decided that it would probably be suicide. For once they show that they actually have the capability for rational thought.

In an attempt to get their minds off the ghost, (and the hacking) I let them watch a movie. Since Firewall was the newest patient, I let her choose. To the guys' dismay, she wanted to watch _The Wizard of Oz_. They shut their mouths and didn't complain though when they saw me take out a roll of duct tape. I wasn't actually planning on duct taping them again, but I placed it on a high shelf as a threat.

What the hell?! Why did Stalker and Snake Eyes just run into the back room? Oh. Hawk's yelling bloody murder down the hallway. I guess its ten people in the brig now. I better cooperate with the good General, I don't want to be accused of harboring fugitives. Then I'd end up in the brig.


	35. Entry 35

**Doctor's Log**

September 25, 2004

The Lockdown officially ended today. The story is that the high brass forced Hawk to end it. But Duke told me later that Hawk had seen the ghost last night. He won't actually admit it though. Duke also told me that General Hawk had also brought someone in to take care of the ghost. But only he, Flint, and I know that. Hawk took extra care to make sure that no one knew he believed in the ghost. Anyway, I guess that's the end of that. I'd still like to know why a ghost suddenly started to haunt the PIT, and who it was. Oh well. I suppose the mystery of the ghost will forever remain unsolved.

I guess watching _The Wizard of Oz_ yesterday had an unfortunate consequence for Firewall. She'd had a very weird dream (I'd consider it a nightmare.) that she told us. It was something like _The Matrix _meets _The Wizard of Oz. _From what she remembered, the dream started out like _The Matrix, _except that a tornado hit the PIT and she was sucked into her laptop.

When she had "woken up", she was in a very twisted Oz. She was Dorothy, and D.C. my cat was with her in Toto's place. Apparently Dusty, Beach Head, and Gung Ho had taken the places of the Scare Crow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion. As if that wouldn't be weird enough, I was the "good witch," Cobra Commander was the "bad witch", General Hawk was the Wizard, and the Dreaknoks were the Munchkins. Now to me, that definitely is a nightmare.

Oh, and instead of ruby slippers she had ruby combat boots.

I guess Roadblock gave the cake to William and Kamakara. He gave Duke something too, but I'm not sure what. I hear that Snake Eyes and Jinx tried to con the cake off of them, but the two of them ran off with it before anyone could attempt to steal it.

As you can imagine, Hawk did release everyone from the brig. But he put all ten of them on probation. I believe right now he's got the mutineers cleaning the Motor Pool. Hawk told them that it had to be spotless.

Oh great, Firewall's started up her hacking lessons again. Dammit.


	36. Hey Lifeline!

**Doctor's Log**

September 26, 2004

Hey Lifeline, you forgot to disconnect your computer from the network. What the hell's with that crap you wrote about us?!

This is Dusty typing now, the stuff above is from Beach Head. He's currently fending off Gung Ho for the computer.

Hah, take that Wayne! The Marines will always beat the Army. Hey! That finger wasn't very nice, and no, I won't bite you.

It's Dusty again, Beach and Gung Ho are engaged in another battle. By the way, Firewall has nothing to do with this, wait, here's Beach Head again.

The Army will always beat the Marines LaFitte, so take take it and like it. Okay, just so we're clarified here, I'm typing in reg font, Gung Ho has bold, and Dusty has italic. Got it?

**NO. **

Shut up smart ass.

_Now Beach Head, be nice to Ettiene, he's a little slow._

**WHAT!!!! WHY YOU LITTLE**

Heh heh, good one Dusty

**Hey Dusty, al least I don't read Harry Potter. Don't lie you bastard, I saw you reading it.**

**_:) I like Harry Potter :)_**

**Okay, never mind, Firewall has just joined us.**

Lord of the Rings is better.

**_You like LOTR?!_**

**He's practically got a whole mini library with his stuff. Personally I've never read the books or seen the movies.**

What, how could you never have watched or read LOTR?!

**Hey! You'd never seen more than 1 Star Wars movie before!**

That's different, LOTR is a classic.

_So's__ Star Wars.___

Shut up Dusty. Frodo could kick Harry's ass any day of the week. Hey Firewall, I think we need to "educate" these two.

**_Will Lifeline let us watch the movies?_**

**No, but feel free to try Sneeden.**

"Do or do not, there is no try" LaFitte.

**Thanks Yoda. Hey! It's not my fault I type slow. I've only got 1 hand to work with.**

Suck it up Marine.

What the hell is that damn cat doing?! Never mind, he's just staring out the window and growling at Shipwreck. Good bad cat. You know, I don't usually like cats but

**D.C.'S THE MAN!!!!!!!**

D.C.'s not a "man", GH, he's a tomcat

**He's got more balls than most human guys!**

True.

_Hey! There's a young lady present here!_

**Who, you?**

_HEY!!_

No there's not.

**_HEY!!!!_**

Yah, BH, it's not her fault she isn't a lady.

_Wow. Firewall actually hit Gung Ho over the head with a book. He's even kind of dazed. I think she's been hanging out with the other women too long._

I'll agree with that.

_Beach has started to hum the Darth Vader theme again. You guys, Lifeline is going to read this. He'll probably kill us for hacking into his computer and breaking into his log._

No he won't, he's a 'non-combatant Pacifist" remember?

_But of course, he'll just drug us, duct tape us, and force us to endure really really horrible movies again._

Oh yeah, that sucked ass.

_Should we delete all of this?_

Naw.

**Fuck this! I ain't watching chick flicks again!!!! See ya 2 later.**

Ettiene you loser!!!!! Damn Marine.

_Hey Lifeline's here! He looks pissed. You know, I never knew he could be so scary when he's mad._

Good thing he's a pacifist and not one of us, or we'd be dead 7 times over

_I don't know, I still think that the duct tape and movies were cruel and unusual punishment._

True. Lifeline you're EVIL.

_YOU EVIL EVIL MAN!!!! THAT WAS WORSE THAN DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Pokemon does nothing for the brain cells.

_NEVER UTTER THAT FORBIDDEN WORD AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Poke… Damn you Dusty!! That hurt!! Where were we?

_LIFELINE YOU QUACK!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR ARE YOU?????????????????_

YOU PSYCHOPATH!!!!!!!!!!! DR. MINDBENDER COULD TAKE LESSONS FROM YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_OH SHIT, HE'S GOT THE DUCT TAPE IN HIS HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN, RU_


	37. Entry 36

**Doctor's Log**

September 26, 2004

THEY HACKED INTO MY LOG!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I duct taped all of them, including Firewall. Psyche Out brought me a small collection of horrible music for them to listen to. I don't like violence, but I will use psychological warfare if I have to. Right now, Hansen is in the CD player. I've got my office closed and my own CD player on to block out the noise. Frank Sinatra is so soothing.

What the? How did Gung Ho get the duct tape off his mouth?! He's screaming for mercy. Damn it, I'll be right back.

I released Firewall and Gung Ho from bondage. They're in the hallway right now under heavy supervision. I left Dusty and Beach Head where they were and put N'Sync in the CD player and turned the volume up. They look like they're going to have a heart attack. Oh well. Call me a Quack will they?! A second Mindbender?! HAH!!!! They'll see how psychopathic this pacifist can get. They still have 98 degrees, the Backstreet Boys, and Michael Jackson to listen to.

Damn, my Sinatra CD just finished. I guess I'll have to put the Beatles in now. Maybe it will block out that horrid music.


	38. Entry 37

**Doctor's Log**

September 27, 2004

They were better behaved today. I guess the music was a good punishment. Just in case they act up though, I've got a new pile of CD's. New Kids on the Block, Janet Jackson, and some really bad songs by William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy. Mainframe burnt their songs off on a CD and gave it to me. He spent probably an hour searching for really horrible music to burn. You'd think he has nothing else to do with his time.

Beach Head and Dusty have taken to calling me Dr. Evil behind my back though. They've also given me a theme song. I found out later from Falcon that it's the theme of Dr. Evil from _Austin Powers_. I threatened them with _Sesame Street _music after that and they shut up.

Gung Ho and Firewall meanwhile have been on perfect behavior. I even gave them a complement for it. However I wasn't prepared for what Firewall asked me. She actually asked me why I was a Pacifist. You know of all the Joes, she's actually the first one to ask why. I didn't really know how to answer that. Gung Ho made the comment that my parents were probably peace loving hippies. I'm sure he meant it as a joke, but it stung. He couldn't have been any farther from the mark. I actually snapped at him and told him that he knew nothing about my parents. That kind of took him back.

I know that wasn't the best way to handle that, especially since I never really answered Firewall. But how do you tell someone that your mother died when you were young and that your father was an abusive workaholic? I sort of hid out in my office for ten or fifteen minutes doing paperwork to avoid answering her. I did go back out, and she asked me again. I didn't say anything for a while, but I eventually told her that I'd seen enough violence growing up and that I didn't want anymore. Beach Head quieted her before she could ask anymore questions. He and the other two didn't say anything else, but I'd catch them giving me thoughtful looks the rest of the day.

It was hard enough for me to tell Psyche Out about my childhood. The only reason I'd told him was because last year I was having nightmares about my father and Cobra. I was going days without much sleep. It's not like I can just tell someone like Beach Head, Gung Ho, Dusty, or young Firewall that my father was abusive, and that's why I hate violence.

D.C.'s curled him in my lap as I type this, he seems to sense my feelings. Every once in a while he peeks a yellow eye up at me as if he's checking on me. Damn. I shouldn't have reacted like that.

_Author's Note: I know this is more serious than the usual humor, but this was a question that I really thought Firewall would ask. This history of Lifeline is in The Battle Files character guide that Devil's Due Publishing came out with. I couldn't help but wonder if any of the Joes actually ever asked Lifeline why he was a pacifist. I promise that the remaining chapters will feature the usual carnage and mayhem._


	39. Entry 38

**Doctor's Log**

September 28, 2004

Firewall was released from the infirmary today and returned to duty. At least the hacking lessons are over. There was something strange today. When I passed Leatherneck in the hallway, he didn't make the usual jibe about my pacifism. I was kind of surprised by that. He did tell me that I missed my calling as a torchuror or an interrogator though. Several of the Joes have developed an odd respect for me after the two duct taping incidents. Flint even told me "Way to go."

Hawk tried to pretend he didn't like what I did, but he didn't try too hard. He seems to get a perverse pleasure out of Beach Head, Gung Ho, and Dusty being duct taped and forced to endure horrible movies and music. I just hope he never ends up in the infirmary. It's not like I can force the Tomahawk to endure any of that.

By the way, Hawk cleared Beach Head and Gung Ho for two weeks leave, starting this Saturday. After that, they'll be put on duty part time in advisory roles. They can't do too much yet. After the bones heal, they'll still have to come back for therapy. I'm far from being home free yet.

I did hear a funny story today, Scarlett and Lady Jaye were telling it to me. Apparently Stalker got lost in a Super Walmart and Snake Eyes had to go rescue him. Apparently some guy with a mullet that was working in the hunting section was hitting on him, so he tried to escape. In the process of his escape, he got lost. I guess he swallowed his pride and called Snake Eyes on his cell phone. When Scarlett told me Snake Eyes's reply, I couldn't stop laughing. Snake Eyes had sent a text message back that said "How the hell do YOU get lost in Walmart?!" When he found him, I guess Stalker was hiding out in the toy section. Stalker tried to swear him to secrecy, but you can't keep a story like that down, even if you're Snake Eyes. Scarlett pulled it out of him.

I have the feeling that the women will eventually let the whole base know of Stalker's adventure in Walmart. My guess is that he's going to try to kill Snake Eyes here within the next day or so.

Okay, enough of that. My remaining patients were on nearly perfect behavior today. Notice that I said nearly. They were giving each other "tattoos" with their pens. Except for Dusty, his burns are still healing. But he did draw a "lovely" picture of a Smurf with an M-16 on Gung Ho's cast. (Gung Ho thought he was drawing something else.) Beach Head thought that was hilarious and drew a picture of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck armed with ammunition on Gung Ho's other cast. Oh, and someone taped a sign to the infirmary door that said "Entering the Territory of Dr. Evil." I wonder which smart ass did that. Someone must have seen it, because later on in the day I found a picture taped on the door of a bald man with his little finger to his mouth. I guess that's what Dr. Evil looks like. He kind of reminds me of Mindbender.

Oh great, I just heard Duke yell in the hall "Stalker did WHAT?!" My guess is that the whole PIT will know about the Walmart incident before Midnight. Stalker's going to kill Snake Eyes.


	40. Entry 39

**Doctor's Log**

September 29, 2004

I was right, everyone now knows about Stalker and Walmart. Flint even started to sing the Walmart jingle down in the board room when he walked in. Stalker shot him a very evil look. Anyway, we had a meeting today. Hawk's sending a group of us on a mission to Saudi Arabia. What fun. He's planning on sending us out on Saturday, unless something drastic happens and we leave sooner. I guess some poor sap will have to deal with Dusty and whoever else ends up in the infirmary while I'm gone. Saturday's the day when Beach Head and Gung Ho go on leave.

My three patients had a Mel Brook's marathon today. They watched _Space Balls, Blazing Saddles, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, _and _Mel Brook's History of the World. _I can't believe they managed to watch all of them today. Low Light was the one who brought them the movies.

Shipwreck came in today with a black eye. I guess things got a little wild at the bar last night. I saw Wet Suit walking around with a broken nose and a cut on his lip. One of the nurses had treated him last night. Apparently they like the same bar. Damn Sailors. Is drinking, singing, and fighting all they ever do?

D.C. tried to chase him out of the infirmary until I yelled at him. He complained, but eventually went and sat in his bed. The cat never took his eyes off Shipwreck. Hold on, I've got a phone call.

Hmm. Firefly was caught about an hour ago and is now tied up in the brig, under very heavy security. Duke wants me to give him a brief check up. I'll be back.

Oh good Lord. They've taken lessons from me. Firefly wasn't cooperating, so Flint came up and borrowed the CD's that I used on the guys the other day. He also took the New Kids on the Block, the Janet Jackson, and the William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy CD's. I suppose if those don't work, they'll try the movie method. Firefly doesn't stand a chance.


	41. Entry 40

**Doctor's Log**

September 30, 2004

They had to restrain Firefly yesterday during interrogation. I guess the William Shatner CD really is horrible. He'd gotten out of his bindings and was trying to destroy the speaker in the cell. Jinx got a lot of pleasure out of tying him back down. She even put duct tape on his mouth. Then she brought in Clutch and Bazooka as part of the interrogation. They had a singing contest in front of Firefly. Let's put it this way, Clutch and Bazooka's singing is pretty ugly. I thought Firefly's eyes were going to bulge out of his head. He hasn't broken yet though, which is surprising.

You know what they did though? They told Firefly that I'd perfected special interrogation tactics through medical experiments! Now Cobra's going to think I'm a second Mindbender! Damn Flint. If I wasn't a pacifist, I'd kill him. Speaking of that, Stalker's still threatening to kill Snake Eyes.

I let Gung Ho have limited time on the internet. (Under close supervision of course.) He got onto some singles site though and put out an ad for Dusty, Beach Head, and me. Damn that Marine. I wonder what he put in our ads. I shouldn't have let him on even with supervision. That's the last time I let Mainframe keep an eye on any of them.

We had another debriefing today on the Saudi Arabian mission. Apparently the Saudi royal family is providing Cobra with money and oil. Cobra also seems to have ties with terrorist networks working in that country. I can't say I'm looking forward to the violence, but if it gives me a break from my patients. I'll take it. Too bad for Dusty though. He wants to go on the mission. He probably would too if he wasn't still recovering from his injuries. Oh well. He can drive someone else insane while I'm gone.

Damn you Flint! I just got a phone call from him. He wants me to come down to Firefly's cell and pretend that I've turned into an evil doctor like Mindbender. I slammed the phone on him. And wait…damn it! Now he's ordered me to go down there. Damn you. I should have unhooked the phone after the first time he called. I'm going to get you back for this Flint. Somehow I will.


	42. Entry 41

**Doctor's Log**

October 1, 2004

Flint will pay. I don't know how, but I will find a nonviolent way to make him pay. Psyche Out was also playing the mad doctor with me. I didn't know he could play such a good psychotic doctor, he even scared me. Maybe he wasn't playing. Maybe he really is psychotic and has just hidden it from all of us. Hmm. I'll have to think about that one.

Mainframe had dragged in some machine that we "hooked" Firefly up to. Actually, the machine didn't serve any purpose, but he didn't know that. He hadn't believed that I was "evil" until Flint showed footage of the duct taping incidents. Hopefully my patients don't find out about it. They're mad enough about it as it is. I don't know what they'd do if they knew that Flint showed the footage to a Cobra. Anyway, Firefly gave me a wary eye after that.

Psyche Out conducted "psychological experiments" while I "monitored" his physical reactions. That's what Flint slipped to Firefly anyway. I think he bought it. I guess he'd seen too much of Dr. Mindbender's experiments that he didn't want to take his chances with us. Even though there are federal laws against this sort of thing, he didn't seem to take into consideration that we wouldn't violate them. Oh well. He did talk a little bit though. Apparently COBRA's been supplying the Saudis with weapons off the black market, weapons that include stolen US and Chinese property. That isn't good.

We're leaving at 03:00 hours tomorrow. We're making a brief stop in Egypt before we proceed into Saudi Arabian territory.

Gung Ho was begging me to let him on the internet again. I knew all he wanted to do was check the singles site. I wouldn't let him. Mainframe got on for him later, but none of our ads had any hits. Oh well. It's not like I was hoping or anything. At least Beach Head and Gung Ho are going home tomorrow. Dusty's not too thrilled about being left alone in the infirmary. He's hoping that one of the other Joes has a freak accident and ends up in the infirmary with him. He better be careful on what he wishes for, sometimes you might get it.

D.C.'s not happy. I think he somehow knows that most of his "family" is leaving him. I'm sure that the other Joes will spoil him horribly while I'm gone.

_Author's Note: Tomorrow's entry will be the last entry for a while. Eventually I'll do another Doctor's Log, but I want to do a different story before that. When I do write Lifeline's Log again, it'll probably be titled Doctor's Log II or something, just so that there's not so many chapters in this one. I'll give you a head's up tomorrow on upcoming Joe fics of mine. I will tell you that I'm thinking of eventually doing a Doctor's Log from Mindbender's perspective, but it won't be right away._


	43. Entry 42

**Doctor's Log**

October 2, 2004

Divine Providence really is looking out for me. Someone up there is doing a good job. Flint woke up with hives and had to go to the infirmary. I don't know why, he just broke out with them. Serves him right. I guess he'll keep Dusty company for a little while.

I stopped in the infirmary before I left to say good bye to my cat. Don't laugh. You didn't expect me to leave without making sure he was okay, did you? Besides, Gung Ho was threatening to stuff D.C. into his bag and take him to Louisiana with him. Anyway, it was about 1:30 am when I went in there. All of them were still awake, even Dusty. I was surprised at that, Dusty can sleep through anything. Beach Head and Gung Ho are anxious to leave. Gung Ho made some comment that Beach Head could go to Louisiana with him, but the Ranger replied "Hell no, I've seen enough of your ugly mug to last me a lifetime!"

I guess they are still planning on going to Mardi Gras though. Dusty's now decided to go with him. While I was walking out the door, the crazy Cajun "told" me that I should come too. I threw my pen at him. I didn't mean to hit him in the head. Really, I didn't. I was aiming at the wall. Anyway Dusty yelled "Violence! Finally!!" Since that's the closest I've come to violence, it sort of spread. Now Alpine and Wet Suit are trying to claim it as a breach of my pacifism so that they can win the betting pool. Can you believe it's at $983.34?! I heard a few minutes ago that Stalker was trying to claim it wasn't. I guess he put the most money in that I wouldn't resort to violence.

I wouldn't call it violence. It was an accident. The pen was supposed to hit the wall.

I've got to go, we're getting ready to leave and…oh boy. General Hawk just came in with a busted up leg. How the hell did he manage to do that within the last 45 minutes?! Dusty really should have been careful on what he wished for. Now he's got to deal with Flint and Hawk. Divine Providence indeed.

Got to go, it'll be awhile before I write again. Dammit Gung Ho! D.C.'s not going with you! Wait, oh no! Hawk's going to be stuck in here with D.C.! Take him with you Gung Ho! Take him! If Hawk touches my cat, I swear I'll kill him, General or no. Wait, never mind. Firewall promised to watch him. I had a panic attack there for a second. Thank God.

_Author's Note: That's all she wrote for now, but I'll be back. Here's some upcoming Joe fics of mine:_

_The Song- will involve our favorite Ranger, Mainframe, and Wet Suit, with cameos by Hawk, Cobra Commander, and some others. Don't ask, I promise it will be funny. This is my next fic._

_A Tale of Two Bobbies- The Dreadnoks in London, need I say more?_

_The Memoirs of a Scottish Laird- Think Doctor's Log, except it's written by Destro._

_Hello Mr. President- More serious_

_Mindbender's Log- Just what it says_

_I have other ideas, but no titles for them yet. I don't know if one of them or one of the above will be next. _


End file.
